In the history of television comedy, there are few characters that have quite the mix of characteristics as Seinfeld's Elaine Benes. She’s the type of woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it. And, more importantly, she’s also not afraid to say what she thinks, particularly when it comes to the men in her life, whether it be Jerry, George, Kramer, or one of her boyfriends.
Of all of the main characters, she’s arguably the one with the best gift for delivering a devastating insult, as she proves time and time again.
10 Elaine Doesn't Sugar Coat Things
“I Know I Don't Want It! I Don't Need You To Tell Me What I Don't Want, You Stupid Hipster Dufus!”
Elaine demonstrates repeatedly that she doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and if there’s a character who embodies something of the fool, it’s Kramer. When he tells her that she doesn’t want rabies, she responds with this vicious comeback.
Here, she manages to cut Kramer down to size, revealing that his supposed wisdom and great intelligence is just a lot of posturing and that she really has no time for it.
9 Elaine Has A Good Point
“I Don’t Know How You Guys Walk Around With Those Things.”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus consistently imbues Elaine with powerful feminist energy, and it’s lines like this that help to make sense why so many women look up to her as a hero.
Her comment is obviously a dig at the male anatomy, but it’s more than that. It’s also one of those moments where Elaine’s insult reveals just how ridiculous the human body is and how undignified it can become (particularly when, as in George’s case, shrinkage is involved).
8 Elaine Nails What Kramer Looks Like
“Have You Seen A Tall, Lanky Dufus With A Bird Face And Hair Like The Bride Of Frankenstein?”
Though Elaine isn’t afraid to tell either George or Jerry what she thinks of them, she seems to have a particularly antagonistic relationship with Kramer. It’s not hard to see why, since he typically views himself as something of a ladies' man and also believes wholeheartedly in his own self-mythology.
Once again, however, Elaine manages to cut him down to size with this pithy remark, even if he isn’t actually around to hear her deliver it.
7 Elaine's Most Relatable Moment
“I Had To Take A Sick Day. I’m So Sick Of These People.”
It might be going a bit far to say that Elaine is a misanthrope, but she is capable of doing and saying some terrible things. Time and again, Elaine demonstrates that she’s not only very likely to lose patience with her friends, but also with people in general.
In this case, she suggests that so great is her antipathy toward the human race that it might actually be impacting her health, leading her to have to take a sick day. It’s one of the gems of wisdom that only a show like Seinfeld could provide.
6 Elaine's Take On Moviegoers
“Yeah. You Know, Men Can Sit Through The Most Boring Movie If There's Even The Slightest Possibility That A Woman Will Take Her Top Off.”
Elaine is something of a student of human nature, and she has a keen eye for the foibles of others, including men. Just as George, Kramer, and Jerry tend to make commentary about women in various ways, Elaine is also keen to point out men’s shortcomings.
In this case, she makes the claim that (straight) men’s taste in movies is actually quite simple. If there’s female nudity involved, they will go to see it. It’s one of those lines that is both hilarious and, according to some, very true.
5 Elaine's True Feelings
“If You Could See Her Personality It Would Be Like One Of The Elephant Man Exhibits, You Know Where They Pull Off The Sheet And Everyone Gasps.”
As much as she can insult women, Elaine also has no trouble pointing out her issues with the various women that come into the lives of her friends. In particular, she loves to hand out her opinions about the women that they date, especially if she doesn’t like them.
And, as this biting insult makes clear, she doesn’t have a very high opinion of one of the women that Kramer decides to date, drawing an unfavorable comparison with the Elephant Man. It’s clearly a comparison that neither person comes out of very well.
4 Elaine Roasts An Entire Look
“Just Because You're A Communist, Does That Mean You Can't Wear Anything Nice? You Look Like Trotsky. It's Gorgeous. Fine, You Want To Be A Communist, Be A Communist. Can't You At Least Look Like A Successful Communist?”
Elaine has quite a varied dating history (and not all of her exes are especially likable), and she has a parade of men that come through her life. This includes Ned the communist. While some might see his political affiliations as a problem, Elaine actually enjoys it.
What does bother her, though, are his sartorial choices, which leads her into this little insult diatribe, in which she points out that he doesn’t have to be a slob just because he happens to be a political revolutionary.
3 Elaine's Priorities In A Man
“Eh, Anti-Fur. I Mean, Who Has The Energy Anymore? This Is More About Hanging Off The Arm Of An Idiot.”
In addition to being one of Elaine’s longest-lasting boyfriends, Puddy also happens to be one of Patrick Warburton's best live-action roles. However, while she dates him off-and-on repeatedly, Elaine often makes clear that she neither respects nor particularly likes him.
In this case, she comes right out and says exactly what she thinks, which is that he is an idiot which, for her, is a much bigger issue than the fact that he happens to be wearing something made out of animal fur.
2 Elaine On Jerry's Worst Physical Trait
“Chicken Wing Shoulder Blades.”
In addition to all of her other qualities, Elaine is the type of person who is going to tell someone the truth, even if they might not like it. In this case, Jerry makes the mistake of asking her what his worst physical quality is, to which she responds “chicken wing shoulder blades.”
It’s a hilariously cutting remark since it goes right to the heart of the matter and punctures Jerry’s vanity. She once again shows that she does not pull her punches when it comes to her friends. Clearly, as skilled as Jerry is at burning others, he's met his match with Elaine.
1 Elaine's Feelings On The Male Body
“It’s Hideous.”
Right after her comment about Jerry’s shoulder blades, Elaine launches into a broad diatribe about the male body, which ends with this powerful insult which, essentially, suggests that men are by their nature ugly.
It is, perhaps, a bit harsh, but given the extent to which Elaine, and women generally, must constantly endure the scrutiny of the male gaze in very judgmental fashion, she can’t really be blamed for having finally had enough and being willing to say so.
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