Everybody Loves Raymond: 10 Best Robert Quotes, Ranked

The family sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond had a slew of hilarious and endearing moments during its run from 1996 to 2005. Much of the humor is derived from Robert, who's just one among many colorful characters that made up this lovable, somewhat dysfunctional family.

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While Raymond has plenty of humorous moments, his neglected and downtrodden big-little brother provides just as many laughs, if not more. With his quirky, cynical, and often passive-aggressive demeanor, Robert Barone (Brad Barrett) brings a distinct and hilarious sensibility to the series. Naturally, he's also the source of many of the show's funniest, most memorable quotes.

10 "I go To Work, People Shoot At Me. Ray Goes To Work, People Do The Wave."

This quote is pretty significant for a number of reasons. Being one of Robert's first utterances in the pilot episode, it essentially sets the stage for his character and his contentious relationship with his brother. There's probably no line to better sum up both Robert's career, is personality, and his jealousy of Raymond than this gem.

It's an emphatic way to kick off what will be a classic sitcom, and a great means in summing up the diametrically opposed nature of those of these humorous siblings.

9 "Straightly On Its Straighty Straightness."

In season 6, the squabbles and passive-aggressive slights between Ray's wife and his mother finally reach a boiling point. This leads to a lengthy stand-off in which neither will talk to the other. By season 7, things are getting desperate, leading Ray and Robert to concoct a scheme, centered around a cult-like group that Robert had considered joining.

What seems to be an intervention for Ray's troubled brother is revealed as a plot to get the two adversaries together and make nice, which ends up succeeding. Before this, though, Robert hilariously tries to sell his hopeless conversion and brainwashing into this cult with this goofy line.

He begins with saying "The path is straight. And the children of the path shall walk along it..." as he assumes an exaggerated meditative look.

8 "What Is Nothing?"

In the season 6 episode, "Talk to Your Daughter," a question about the meaning of life from Ally prompts a full-on philosophical discussion among the adults. As they ponder what to tell Ally, Robert particularly finds himself baffled as he talks himself into a philosophical conundrum, pondering some mind-boggling concepts.

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This leads to a memorable rant in which Robert poses various questions about life, the nature of the universe, and what can possibly lie "beyond" it. His mix of frustration and befuddlement is classic Robert and provides plenty of laughs.

7 "Gregory Peck! Gregory Peck! He Played Atticus Finch! You Moron!"

Robert's unique dynamic with his brother extends partly to Ray's wife Debra, as well. His jealousy can sometimes be seen through his frustration in Ray's obliviousness to her. In the episode, "The Thought That Counts," this comes to the forefront, as Robert bursts into a tirade after Ray takes full credit to Robert's great gift idea for Debra.

As it turns out, while Debra loves the book To Kill a Mockingbird, Raymond knows little about it. Eventually, Robert can't take it anymore and unloads with the revelation that this was his idea.

He accuses Ray of not even being aware of the film version before busting out a hilarious Atticus Finch impression to drive home the point that yes, Robert is knowledgeable of the film.

6 "Most Of The Women I Talk To Are In Handcuffs..."

This quote has the combined value of illustrating who Robert is and what his hang-ups are - in this case, women - while also being just plain witty. Just like the season 1 pilot, this line spoken in its 14th episode further establishes Robert as the jealous, downtrodden younger brother he is.

He gives both his family and the viewers yet another reminder of just how different the lives of these men are. One is a sportswriter who gets exclusive access to pro sporting events, while the other undergoes the dangers and drudgery of being a cop.

5 "Come On, God, Get Him!"

Robert's competitive nature with his brother tends to crop up in one form or another in many episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. Yet, this is a case of this envy reaching a particularly absurd, comical level.

In one of the many discussions regarding the relationship between these two brothers, Robert informs his family that not only does he want to be a step above his sibling, but he actually says a prayer on days that things don't go too well. What's the prayer? Apparently a divine sabotaging for his brother.

He closes this out emphatically with a subdued but desperate "GET HIM!"

4 "I'm Someone Who Can Crush You Into A Fine Powder..."

The season 7 episode, "Somebody Hates Raymond" is funny for all sorts of reasons; not the least of which is the title's blatant irony and revelations of Ray's petty insecurities. Though, there are more ironies here than you might expect.

After it's revealed the boss of Ray's friend hates him, Robert initially revels in this and expresses his wish to "get his autograph." But as it happens, his brother and rival turns out being the one to defend the honor of his brother - and in a particularly amusing, blunt way. He kicks off his confrontation with this bold statement after the man asks him who he is.

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It's a neat and endearing little twist, and reveals that deep down, Robert does care about Ray despite his envy.

3 "It's Never Just About The Can Opener."

"The Can Opener" shines as one of the funnier, more creative episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. It achieves this by playing out parallel scenes not as they really happened, but as super-exaggerated, conflicting stories. These are narrated by Ray and Debra, who's fight over a broken can opener escalates into a full-on squabble.

Robert, ever the diplomat, chimes in with this colorful metaphor as he explains that he's learned quite a bit in his police dealings with domestic disputes.

2 "Pumpernickel Sleeps With The Fish Sticks."

Not every quote has to be emotional, profound, or representative of the character in question to shine. Often, it's just a matter of being a hilarious zinger, especially when it comes to a silly sitcom such as this. The quirky Robert reaffirms this notion with this ice-breaker to Ray's daughter Ally after finding her hamster, Pumpernickel, has died.

It might sound odd and random, but given the context, it proves both clever and appropriate. As it happened, Ally's hamster made the lethal mistake of trying to get to some frozen treats, getting itself trapped in the ice-cold freezer.

1 "You Were Conceived Legitimately. You Win Again."

As you might expect with a heated sibling rivalry, Ray and Robert's competitive nature occasionally involves their spouses. This amusing and odd dynamic takes center stage in the memorable episode, "Good Girls" from season 2.

A squabble over secrets regarding Debra and Amy's virginity - and the merits behind it - soon turns into a revelation that Robert was conceived before their parents married. This had essentially forced their hands in matrimony. Robert closes out this gripping family discussion by disgustedly telling Ray "Congratulations..." before spouting this zinger.

If ever there was a quote to best illustrate Robert's place in this series, and the traits of the show in generalthis is the one.

NEXT: Everybody Loves Raymond: Funniest Robert Episodes



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