Anyone who has seen The Simpsons knows that it is often brilliant and ruthless in the way that it skewers many aspects of modern life, particularly politics. When it comes to political commentary, there is no character that represents the mendacity of some members of the political class like Mayor Quimby, the man who somehow managed to hold onto power for an astonishing (and horrifying) amount of time. As corrupt as he is inept, he represents everything that’s wrong with modern politics.
At the same time, he also has some truly hilarious quotes that show very clearly that he’s a man with few scruples and not a lot of brains.
10 “You Can't Seriously Want To Ban Alcohol. It Tastes Great, Makes Women Appear More Attractive, And Makes A Person Virtually Invulnerable To Criticism.”
Leave it to Mayor Quimby to say something about not making alcohol illegal. The man’s penchant for the high life is one of his most notable qualities.
Given the fact that he doesn’t seem to take any criticism very seriously suggests that he’s more than a little partial to taking a few sips of potent potables when the occasion arises. One has to give him at least a few points for being blatantly honest, although clearly offensive to women.
9 “Mr. Plow, For Making It Possible For People To Get Where They're Going Without Resorting To Public Transportation Or Carpooling, I Give You The Key To The City.”
In keeping with the series’ scathing indictment of so many aspects of modern life, in "Mr. Plow," Quimby suggests that making sure that people can drive their cars rather than resorting to public transportation is something to be celebrated.
Though the quote is put into Quimby’s mouth, it also highlights the ways in which far too many people don’t want to be bothered with trying to reduce their carbon footprint.
8 “We Have Nothing To Fear But The Aliens And Their Vastly Superior Killing Technology!”
Here, as usual, Mayor Quimby states the obvious in this Treehouse of Horror episode. Even during some of its weaker seasons, this show still manages to showcase the ways in which far too many politicians are willing to minimize the danger of something just because it’s convenient.
While, of course, Quimby isn’t known for his wisdom, this seems pretty egregious even for him, though one has to admit that it’s a pretty hilarious quote precisely because it’s so ridiculous.
7 “Please Use Your Time In Line Wisely To Sophie's Choice Your Child.”
Here, Quimby, not surprisingly, doesn’t prove himself to be particularly moved by the plight of his citizens, as his reference to the famous film about a mother who has to choose which of her children lives and which dies suggests.
It’s a hilarious quote, particularly since Quimby’s cruelty is so cartoonishly awful that it’s hard to take seriously.
6 “I Propose That I Use What's Left Of The Town Treasury To Move To A More Prosperous Town And Run For Mayor. And, Er, Once Elected, I Will Send For The Rest Of You.”
Whatever his flaws, it’s definitely true that Quimby always has an eye for a good opportunity - just look at his many dealings with the seedy underbelly of Springfield. At the same time, it’s also blatantly obvious that he feels absolutely no sense of loyalty to his city or his citizens.
In this case, he’s basically telling them that he’ll fleece them for all they’re worth and then abscond to another city where the process will repeat itself. There’s something truly humorous about a politician who’s so transparently bad and also inept at concealing his badness.
5 “I'll Admit I Used The City Treasury To Fund The Murder Of My Enemies, But As Gabbo Would Say, I'm A Bad Wittle Boy.”
For better or worse, Quimby has a tendency to say what's in his head out loud, as when he basically admits that he has been using city funds to do away with his political enemies.
It’s another case where he manages to deflect any sort of consequences for his actions by basically acting like a scoundrel rather than a leader of some sort of organized crime syndicate. Seems he’s both clever and ruthless, after all.
4 “Bob Is No Maniac. He Explained His Reasons For Trying To Kill Us All And I Assure You They Were Perfectly Sane.”
Sideshow Bob is, without question, one of the best characters the series ever came up with. Clearly, Mayor Quimby at least somewhat agrees with that sentiment, since he’s willing to grant that Sideshow Bob may be many things, but he is definitely not a maniac.
As anyone who has seen Bob in action can attest, he always gives his plots and schemes the utmost thought and is rarely prone to giving in too much to his baser emotions (other than that to kill, of course).
3 “Watch It, You Talking Tub Of Donut Batter.”
The relationship between Mayor Quimby and Chief Wiggum is about as functional as one might expect from two people who have absolutely no business being in charge of a city. Every so often, however, they do disagree, and the results are often quite hilarious.
In this case, Quimby goes for a low blow, mocking Wiggum’s corpulence for daring to challenge his authority and implying that he is nothing more than a figurehead.
2 "Very Well Then, Instead Of Fleeing This Town, I'll Stay Here And Grow Fat Off Kickbacks And Slush Funds."
Quimby is one of those people who seems completely comfortable in who he is. Unless the situation absolutely demands it, for the most part, he’s content to just be upfront with the people of Springfield about what type of person they’ve elected to lead them.
In this case, he makes it explicit that he will, in fact, simply continue to sit back and enjoy the numerous financial perks of his office. One has to admit that the guy has guts being so honest.
1 “Mayor Quimby: First, One Announcement: I Regret To Inform You We Are Not Offering Childcare Tonight. I Don't Know Who That Guy Was You Were Leaving Your Kids With.”
Quimby also doesn’t really make much effort to care about kids (even when it would benefit him politically to do so). Thus, it’s rather amusing to see him show such callous disregard for the children of his own constituents, even when they’re being carted away by someone who clearly isn’t responsible for childcare.
Oh Mayor Quimby, you never do learn, do you? It’s a good thing that the voters of Springfield aren’t that bright.
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