Don't Call Me Shirley: 10 Funniest Leslie Nielsen Quotes

Leslie Nielsen enjoyed a career as one of the funniest actors in Hollywood history. It might be hard to believe that he didn't start as a funny man, but he instead was a dramatic leading man when his career began, including a lead role in Forbidden Planet. Once he started working in slapstick comedies, everything changed, and his career skyrocketed in an unexpected direction.

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If Nielsen mastered anything in the business, it was playing a bumbling do-gooder who often had no idea what was going on around him at any given time. That gave him the chance to deliver some of the best one-liners in the business, which he did masterfully throughout his acclaimed career, starting with the classic comedy movie Airplane!.

10 Don't Call Me Shirley (Airplane!)

Leslie Nielsen enjoyed his breakout role in the Zucker brothers spoof movie Airplane! In that movie, Nielsen starred as Dr. Rumack, someone who was so oblivious that it was scary to think he was a doctor.

Throughout the spoof movie, he was utterly oblivious to everything going on around him, but that gave Nielsen a perfect chance for great one-liners. When Ted Striker (Robert Hays) said, "surely, you can't be serious," and Rumack responded, "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

9 It's A Big Building With Patients (Airplane!)

There were also hilarious moments in Airplane! where Dr. Rumack seemed his mind was always somewhere else. This reaction was something else that Nielsen specialized at when acting.

He is on the plane and realizes that one of the members of the flight needs medical attention and said she needs to be taken to a hospital when they land. When Elaine asks, "a hospital? What is it?' he responds by saying, "it's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."

8 Your Husband Wasn't Dead Then (Police Squad)

Leslie Nielsen delivered his best comedy performances in the Naked Gun series of movies, and those were all based on the television comedy series Police Squad!

In both the movie and TV show, Nielsen plays the character of Det. Frank Drebin. In one episode, Drebin shows up to talk to a woman about the death of her husband. When he arrives, he apologizes to her and says, "we would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then."

7 Nice Beaver (Naked Gun)

In the first Naked Gun movie, the filmmakers kept the sexual innuendo up, with twists to every comment that Drebin makes. In the first film, Drebin has a love interest played by Priscilla Presley named Jane Spencer.

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Drebin and Jane shared almost more innocent innuendos than they did actual flirting. At one point, Jane climbed a ladder in a dress, and Drebin looked up and said, "nice beaver." The innuendo is clear, but she came down with a stuffed beaver, responding, "thanks, I just had it stuffed."

6 How Soon Can You Land? (Airplane!)

In Airplane!, Leslie Nielsen's Dr. Rumack knew that he had a lot of patients on the plane that needed medical assistance. Rumack made it to the cockpit and asked the pilot when he felt they could land. The pilot said he wasn't sure, and Rumack demanded an answer.

Finally, Rumack asked him to take a guess, and the pilot responded, "not for another two hours." Rumack replied, "you can't take a guess for another two hours?"

5 Goodyear? (Naked Gun)

In Naked Gun, Frank Drebin was pondering the case and realized that it was too much like old cases he had seen before. He mentioned that it was the same old story of "Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day."

Jane asked if it was Goodyear, meaning the name of the blimp, and Frank responded, "no, the worst."

4 When I See Five Weirdos In Togas... (Naked Gun)

Frank Drebin was preparing for his case, but the mayor was not in the mood for games. He took Drebin aside and told him that he didn't want to have any trouble as they did on the South Side last year. The mayor said that was his new policy.

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Drebin responded that when he sees "five weirdos, dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that's *my* policy!" The mayor responded that it was Shakespeare in the Park and they were good actors.

3 The Red Light District (Naked Gun 2 1/2)

The sexual innuendo continued in the sequel to the parody movie Naked Gun, titled Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear. Drebin was back in action for a new case, and he was talking about the Red Light District.

He questioned what Hector Savage was doing hanging around that seedy area of town. Ed (George Kennedy) responded, "sex. Frank," which was clearly the right answer. However, Drebin absentmindedly replied, "Uh, no, not right now, Ed."

2 I Think About Baseball (Naked Gun)

In Naked Gun, Frank Drebin first meets Jane, who is working for bad guy Vincent Ludwig. She takes him into a back office, and his inner dialogue is similar to old Noir films, mostly sexual in nature. She begins to flirt with him, and the entire conversation is interlaced with sexual innuendo.

Jane mentions that police work is dangerous, and Drebin said that is why he carries a big gun. She asks if he is afraid it might go off accidentally, and he said he used to have that problem. She asked how he stopped it, and he said, "I think about baseball," which made absolutely no sense.

1 You Want Me To Be In Your Cabinet? (Naked Gun 2 1/2)

The movie Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear starts with Frank Drebin honored by the White House. This was in 1991, so the film had John Roarke play a comedic version of U.S. President George H.W. Bush.

This gave Nielsen a great chance to deliver some great jokes toward the President and the First Lady, which he did masterfully. Bush offers Drebin a position where they would be long hours and dangerous nights with some of the scummiest elements in society. Drebin responds, "you want me to be in your cabinet?"

NEXT: Airplane!: 5 Reasons It's The Greatest Comedy Ever Made (And Its 5 Closest Contenders)



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