The word "melodrama" is synonymous with C-3PO. This etiquette and protocol droid must have been programmed with an entire subroutine designed specifically to make him a liability during a crisis situation, and this makes for some truly spectacular and funny one-liners.
Whether it's lamenting a flight through an asteroid field or complaining about a repair job gone wrong, it takes a very light nudge to push Threepio over the edge. Here are the 10 funniest quotes that Goldenrod has chirped out over the course of the Star Wars franchise.
10 "Wait! Wait! Ohhhh My! What Have You Done? I'm Backwards! You Flea-Bitten Furball! Only An Overgrown Mop-Head Like You Would Be Stupid Enough ..."
Threepio was prone to panic in a way that very few droids were seemingly capable of. His worst nightmare came true after fleeing the ice planet of Hoth, alongside Princess Leia, Han Solo and Chewie, with the Empire in close pursuit.
Eventually, they would be tracked to Bespin, where Darth Vader laid a trap to capture them. Threepio stumbled upon part of the plot and was shot as a result, sending body parts flying everywhere. When Chewie began putting him back together, he inadvertently stuck his head on backward, leading to this hilarious quote.
9 "Captain Solo, This Time You Have Gone Too Far! No, I Will Not Be Quiet, Chewbacca! Why Doesn't Anyone Listen To Me?"
There were moments when Threepio completely lost his temper and flew off the handle, which should have been a violation of his etiquette subroutines. Nevertheless, after a lengthy chase from the Empire, the droid was at his wit's end.
Han Solo pulled off a clever maneuver by attaching the Millennium Falcon to the back of a Star Destroyer and shutting down all power. This bold move was too outrageous for Threepio, who openly berated Solo before Chewbecca screamed at him to be quiet.
8 "R2D2, You Know Better Than To Trust A Strange Computer!"
There are certain quotes that could be muttered by a droid, and this is perhaps the best example. While running from the Empire on Bespin with TIE Fighters in close pursuit, R2 worked quickly to finish putting Threepio back together, while discussing an escape plan.
R2 informed Threepio that the hyperdrive motivator had been purposely deactivated by Lando Calrissian's crew as part of a trap, but the latter wasn't impressed with the source of the info. Threepio's quote seemed to suggest that "strange computers" were capable of beguiling their guests.
7 "Sir, It's Quite Possible This Asteroid Is Not Entirely Stable!"
Part of Threepio's irritating charm is his penchant for stating the overly obvious at the worst possible time. After hiding from pursuing Imperials in what seemed to be a cave, Leia, Han, Chewie and Threepio felt a tremor in the ground, which suggested things were not what they seemed.
He uttered this quote in typical Captain Obvious fashion, which was enough to drive Han Solo nuts and order him into the engineering bay to figure out what was wrong with the malfunctioning hyperdrive. In truth, it was far more likely he was one step away from tossing him out of the airlock.
6 "Listen To Them, They're Dying, R2! Curse My Metal Body, I Wasn't Fast Enough!"
After a successful, albeit imperfect rescue of Princess Leia from the prisoner barracks on the first Death Star, the heroes found themselves in the bowels of a garbage pit, with a large hydraulic press that threatened to crush them into a pancake. Threepio and R2 managed to find themselves in a control room, where the latter began hacking a terminal to stop the press.
Elated that their deaths had been averted, Luke, Leia, Han and Chewie began screaming in joy and celebration, which was taken completely the wrong way by Threepio on the other end of the communicator. In typical over-dramatic fashion, he lamented his own apparent failure.
5 "Don't Blame Me! I'm An Interpreter. I'm Not Supposed To Know A Power Socket From A Computer Terminal!"
Droids each have their specific tasks, and very rarely do they deviate or stick their chrome-polished noses where they don't belong. When this unwritten rule is broken, hilarity tends to ensue. While pursuing Boba Fett in order to save a carbonite-frozen Han Solo, R2 inadvertently jacked into the wrong interface, believing it was a computer terminal.
After suffering an electric shock that left the little droid dazed and confused, Threepio uttered this quote as a means to wash his own hands completely of the affair. Meanwhile, R2's dizziness left him banging into walls as he tried to shake off the shock.
4 It’s Against My Programming To Impersonate A Deity.”
Threepio's etiquette and protocol subroutines come with a number of irritating and senseless directives that seem to rear their heads at the worst moments imaginable. When the Ewoks of Endor mistakenly believed that Threepio was a divine God-being, the captured heroes believed they could use that to their advantage.
Solo encouraged Threepio to play up his own divinity in order to get the Ewoks to release them, but the latter would have none of it. Whoever thought it was necessary to add this directive to his programming must have been quite the ardent Theist.
3 "Sir, The Possibility Of Successfully Navigating An Asteroid Field Is Approximately Three-Thousand, Seven-Hundred And Twenty To One!"
One of Threepio's funniest and most famous quotes is this one from The Empire Strikes Back, when he, along with Solo, Leia and Chewie, fled the Imperials after their escape from Hoth. In order to shake their persistent pursuers, Solo decided to dive head-first into a highly volatile and extremely dangerous asteroid field.
In the middle of all the tension, Threepio thought it would be a good idea to lay out the odds of successfully navigating the asteroid field and emerging intact on the other side. In reality, it would have been better if someone switched him off until the fun was over.
2 "I Suggest A New Strategy, R2 - Let The Wookiee Win."
Threepio's first encounter with Chewbacca was antagonistic right from the start. It all began innocently enough, with him watching over a game of Dejarik between Chewie and R2 where the little droid seemed to have the upper hand. After killing one of Chewbacca's characters, the Wookiee became irate, prompting Threepio to chide him for being a sore loser.
Han quickly chimed in and played up Chewie's menace to the newfound droids by suggesting that they had a tendency to "pull people's arms out of their sockets if they lose." That seemed to be enough for Threepio, who suggested R2 roll over and throw the fight.
1 "Just You Reconsider Playing That Message For Him! No, I Don't Think He Likes You At All. No, I Don't Like You Either."
Though Threepio and R2 had more than their fair share of adventures throughout the decades, they were more of an old married couple than a pair of pals. Threepio's impatience with R2 was triggered by the little droid's tendency to wade into danger unabated.
By the time both had ended up in the care of Luke Skywalker, they'd already been through quite a lot. R2 played back Princess Leia's secret message to Obi-Wan Kenobi in front of Luke, who wanted to know more. After leaving, Threepio chastised him for purposely hiding the message, then uttered this quote, which summed up their lover's spat quite effectively.
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