Gremlins 2 took a few years to come out after the original charmed audiences with its wicked, horror-tinted take on Christmas. The attempt to capitalize on the success of the runaway original hit meant changing the scenery from a small American town to the Big Apple.
The sequel was a far more comedy-driven take than the creepy original film. Much of the humor was mainstreamed, as opposed to nihilistic and nasty. As such, there are far more funny one-liners in Gremlins 2 than its seminal predecessor. Nevertheless, here are the funniest of the bunch that continue to pay dividends in the laughs department over 30 years later.
10 "Are You Ok? You Want Another Molson, Eh?"
New York is well known for its culinary choices, and the city has attracted a diverse selection from around the world, including our Canadian neighbors. When Billy is asked out on a date masquerading as a business meeting with his boss Marla, it quickly becomes apparent that she's putting the moves on him.
After making one very bold move, in particular, Billy spills his drink just as the waiter—dressed in full Mountie getup—shows up at his table with a chocolate moose. Noticing Billy's tension, he utters this hilarious question in a full-fledged, though slightly inauthentic, Canadian accent.
9 "Ooh, Your Mom Baked You An Apple Pie! Uhhh, Somebody Sat On It On The Bus. I'm Sure It'll Taste Okay, Though!"
When Mr. and Mrs. Futterman arrived a day early to visit the Peltzers, it was a disaster waiting to happen. Gizmo's offspring Daffy was busy turning their new place upside down whilst laughing hysterically. Unsure of what to do, they planned to take Daffy with them and find the real Gizmo.
It was then that the Futtermans showed up unannounced. In an effort to keep them away from the Mogwai due to Mr. Futterman's traumatic experience with gremlins years before, he quickly concocted an excuse to get them out. Before leaving, Mr. Futterman gave Billy an apple pie... with a less-than-savory story attached.
8 "Peltzer! You're Having A Psychotic Episode. Thanks For Sharing It With Us."
Forster's hard-nosed attitude didn't win him any favors with the employees of Clamp Center, and he clearly didn't like Billy Peltzer's small-town approach to things, either. For a city as iconic as New York, he seemed mighty oblivious and dismissive to the thought of a foreign species invading the building.
When Peltzer tried to share his knowledge of the gremlins with Forster and his team, he uttered this quote in an attempt to banish the notion entirely, and send Peltzer packing all the way back to Kingston Falls.
7 "Uhhh, What If One Of Them Eats Something At Eleven O'Clock, But Then He Gets Something Stuck In His Teeth?"
Part of the fun of the Gremlins films is poking fun at the nonsensical aspects of the story. Many fans have wondered over the years why Mogwai can't be fed after midnight, multiply when walking through the snow, and the like. Gremlins 2 decided to jab the original in the ribs a little bit by using the characters to lampoon the story.
It all starts when Billy walks into Forster's office and begins rambling on about gremlins within earshot of the other personnel. It isn't long before they start laughing at Peltzer's story whilst trying to poke holes in the logic of it.
6 "We Could Have Had Three Shrinks And A Plastic Surgeon In There!"
Mr. Clamp was the eccentric owner of Clamp Center, a sprawling, skyscraping technopolis boasting the latest and greatest hardware for the future—at the time—of commerce. Mr. Clamp took everything in stride, even a horde of terrifying gremlins that took over his building and turned it into a hedonistic warzone.
When he found out that one of the first gremlin outbreaks originated in Dr. Catheter's genetics lab, he immediately regretted leasing them space in the first place. He summed it up perfectly with this quote, while completely failing to grasp the enormity of the situation.
5 "We Can't Let Them Get Away. All They Have To Do Is To Eat Three Or Four Children, And There'd Be The Most Appalling Publicity!"
When the gremlins finally broke out inside Clamp Center, it wasn't long before their modest numbers turned the place upside down. Most of their damage came courtesy of the local genetics lab operated by mad scientist-extraordinaire Dr. Catheter, played brilliantly by the legendary Christopher Lee.
After a gremlin drank a brain hormone that vastly increased his intellect, he began experimenting with other formulas in the lab. One of these included a genetic cocktail that made gremlins immune to bright light. After injecting it into a gremlin who had sprouted bat wings after undergoing a genetic mutation, Dr. Catheter muttered this hilarious quote in a way that only Christopher Lee could manage.
4 "Fire, The Untamed Element, Oldest Of Man's Mysteries, Giver Of Warmth, Destroyer Of Forests. Right Now, This Building Is On Fire!"
The Clamp Center sought to project the future at every opportunity, and that even extended to the automated loudspeaker. Everything about the building was designed to be different and progressive, and that meant eschewing the common fire alarm for something a bit more... polite.
After a fire alarm is yanked inside the building, the automated narrator began speaking over the loudspeaker to warn people of the emerging danger, while giving a brief history lesson at the same time. It was a hilarious, head-scratching moment that poked fun at the 1990s and its attempt to escape the cold corporatism of the 1980s.
3 "I Was Just Kidding! Oww, It's a Ten! It's A Ten!"
Gremlins 2 was much different from its predecessor in the fact that it took itself much less seriously. While the first film was a horror movie sprinkled with dark comedic elements, the sequel was a full-blown comedy with some horror elements thrown in as satire. This meant more gags, some of which took the form of hilarious cameos.
In addition to seeing Hulk Hogan pop up on-screen, audiences also got famed movie critic Leonard Maltin, who saw fit to re-review the original Gremlins. After comparing it to suffering through a root canal, Maltin is attacked by a group of gremlins who deliver a beat-down, while he shouts this hilarious quote in response.
2 "There Are Some Things That Man Was Not Meant To Splice!"
When the gremlin menace had burst out of control, the entirety of Clamp Center was under threat. Worse, the only thing protecting the Big Apple from the horde was a sun that was quickly going down. Realizing his error, Dr. Catheter was effectively scared straight, at least for the time being.
He grabbed Billy in the hallway and vowed that he'd never again hurt another living thing before adding this funny quote on top. When Peltzer asks him about the gremlins, Catheter becomes irritated, believing that he's being patronized. The scene ends in goofy fashion when the film breaks, taking the fourth wall along with it.
1 "Well, It's Rather Brutal Here. We're Advising Our Clients To Put Everything They've Got Into Canned Food And Shotguns!"
Clamp Center attracted all kinds of business people, including financial investors. When the gremlins sprung out of control and began tearing the place apart, they infiltrated every single nook and cranny of the building. Naturally, the Brainy gremlin found his way into the New York Stock Exchange and went for broke, literally.
He got on the phone and started calling up fellow investors and bankers, delivering some characteristically funny lines. The best one was also the most poignant, delivering the kind of financial advice one might expect to get only when the nation reached Defcon One.
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