Growing up is hard. Bodies change, the world changes, every emotion is bigger, harder to deal with- it's no wonder that media of all kinds attempt to depict such a tumultuous time of life. When most people think of comic books, they picture bigger-than-life heroes with bigger-than-life problems. The beauty of comics though, is they use the impossible, like superpowers and supervillains, to tell stories that speak right into the audience's lives.
Coming of age is not a rare theme in comics. Ms. Marvel's entire storyline and Superman: Birthright are both about coming into who you are. Still, Mariko Tamaki brings a fresh take to coming of age in comics. In I Am Not Starfire Mandy, Starfire's daughter isn't figuring out how to balance superpowers and life, she's just trying to grow up. That's hard enough to do without a devastatingly gorgeous superhero for a mother. Tamaki uses Mandy to present some basic truths about life, loving yourself, and parent-child relationships.
10 You Aren't Your Parents and That's Ok
From the beginning of the story, Mandy makes it very clear she believes she is nothing like her mother. Starfire is famous, superpowered, and graceful. Mandy sees herself as a kind of Anti-Starfire, a normal girl with no powers. While her mother usually wears less than a yard of fabric, Mandy doesn't even own a swimsuit. Often, people act like the daughter of a superhero should be just like her mother, disregarding the fact that she is her own person.
Eventually, Mandy realizes that while her mother will always be an influence in her life, it's ok that she isn't a carbon copy of her mother. The people who see her as she is, and not who they decide she should be, are the ones worth pursuing. Through the story, Mandy does a good job brushing off Starfire groupies, but by the end, she learns not to resent them or her mother.
9 You Won't Always See Eye to Eye
Starfire's experiences growing up were very different from a typical earth teen and Mandy doesn't know large pieces of her mother's past. Those gaps in knowledge are a breeding ground for misunderstandings. Mandy is afraid of failing and letting down her mom, and Starfire is afraid of letting Mandy down by not pushing her to be the best she can with what she has.
Even without being from a different planet, moms sometimes forget the fear and angst that teen years are riddled with. Often a parent has their past mistakes in their mind's eye, and are desperate to keep their kids from falling into those same traps. Mandy is dealing with her own problems and having no knowledge of what her mother is afraid of, struggles to understand Starfire's motivations. Mother-daughter relationships are hard and there will be misunderstandings. What is important, is that both sides keep trying to see things from the other's perspective.
8 Being Yourself Isn't Always Easy
Mandy has clearly made an effort to carve out a distinction between her and her mother. She's got a strong goth vibe going on and wants to act like she doesn't care what others think. The truth is, what her mother thinks truly affects her. There are certain topics, like her hair and clothes, they steer around to avoid fighting. Mandy is still very aware of how Starfire feels about it, and that adds to the pile of things she feels she is failing in. Her best friend, Lincoln, wisely points out that this is part of "the cultural divide that happens between family generations born in different countries, or universes."
The friends that hang around Mandy's crush are more vocal with their critique than her mother. They regularly call her weirdo and ask pointedly rude questions. Mandy does a good job holding her own and being who she wants to be. Making choices for yourself that not everyone agrees with won't always be easy, but is always worth it.
7 Parents Still Love You, Even When You Fight
Parents and their teens are going to fight. Teens don't come with an instruction manual and parents are still figuring out how to deal with each new situation as it comes. Add the tidal wave of hormones and emotions that teenagers deal with, and it's a breeding ground for conflict. No matter how much a family fights, they still love each other.
This is beautifully illustrated when Blackfire attacks, expecting Mandy to fight her for the throne of Tamaran. Even after not seeing eye to eye about life choices, and fighting over college, Starfire takes Mandy's place, protecting the daughter she loves no matter what.
6 You Are Their Hope for the Future
Right in the midst of the book's climax, there is a poignant moment where Starfire says, "Mandy my sweet girl. You are so much like me. Do not make the same mistakes. Do not run from your fears." Parents see a chance to help steer kids away from their past mistakes and a chance for them to be better than they ever were.
As Lincoln says at the end of the story, it is important to remember that "we hold our parent's hope for a new future, but that future isn't necessarily going to be what our parents thought it would be." Each kid has to face the future given to them, so they make the best choices they can for themselves. The best both generations can do is try to be understanding and listen to each other as they work together for the future.
5 Make the Best of the Future You Have
Lincoln's parents were born in Vietnam and Mandy's mom was born on the planet Tamaran. Both went through a lot to get where they are and give their children the best hope for a good future. Not all parents move across oceans or flee distant planets, but most of them work hard to help provide a better future for their kids.
Even if it is a future a kid has carved out on their own, each person should make the best of the future presented to them. Every generation has gone through so much to make sure the next generation has it a least a little better than they did. The most grateful thing up and comers can do is make the most of it.
4 You Don't Have to be Who People Expect You to Be
Society likes to put a large load of expectations on the shoulders of teens. The beauty of life is realizing no one is required to live up to those expectations. Each person should be the best at who they are and not who the world expects them to be.
Mandy had to learn that making the best of her future doesn't mean she has to be who everyone else expects. She can be herself and still reach for her dreams. She can have a good relationship with her mother and still be her special unique person.
3 Change is Natural, Roll with It
By the end of the book, Mandy went from a normal teen girl in Metropolis to a superpowered teen learning to control her powers in Teen Titans Tower. She found a bit of herself that was missing, something that helped to connect a little better with her mother and get a better idea of what she wanted out of her future.
While most kids won't discover latent superpowers, part of growing up is discovering that they have pieces missing and then figuring out what they are and how to fix them. Stepping out of the innocence of childhood and into adult life is a difficult process fraught with change. Change is a natural part of life and growing up, make the best of it by embracing each new thing as it comes.
2 Sometimes You Have to Take a Risk
Mandy was so afraid of failing that she decided she just wouldn't try. She walked out of her S.A.T. test, decided college wasn't worth trying, and didn't want to try communicating to her mom how she felt. Refusing to take risks was actually making Mandy more miserable, and making it harder for her mother to help her.
Taking risks does mean possible failure, but not stepping out and taking a chance means not succeeding either. Failure is just another learning experience, not the end of the world. Mandy took the ultimate risk of defending her mother from her sister Blackfire, and it taught her to pursue other risks as well. She decided to retake the S.A.T. and pursue her crush, all with the knowledge that the risk is worth it in the end.
1 Where You Came From Doesn't Determine Where You Are Going
Finding out more of Starfire's past helped Mandy learn more about where she came from, but it didn't determine where she was going. Understanding the past helps to avoid making the same mistakes, but it doesn't predict the future. At the end of the story, Mandy doesn't quite know what the future will hold for her, but she isn't afraid of what is coming because she chooses her own path.
The past, present, and future are comprised of choices. Where we came from doesn't have to decide where we are going. Each person makes their own choices, those choices decide where a person is going in life. Be mindful of where you want to go, take risks, and enjoy the journey.
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