Hermione Granger may be the smartest witch of her age, but she can also be quite funny, sometimes unknowingly. She goes through a lot in her seven years at Hogwarts, starting out as little more than a know-it-all, and growing into a loyal, protective, and driven young woman. She ends up with some of the most memorable lines in the Harry Potter film series.
Here are five of Hermione Granger's funniest quotes, and five of her most heartbreaking ones.
10 FUNNY: "Holy cricket!"
When Hermione first meets Harry and Ron, she doesn't realize that she's speaking to The Boy Who Lived. When she does, she comes out with this iconic line. It seems so incongruous for someone as clever, sophisticated, and seemingly snobbish as Hermione to say, and that's why it's so funny.
What makes the line even more special is that Emma Watson improvised it. Its unexpectedness is entirely authentic because the moment wasn't scripted, and her delivery of the line is perfectly spontaneous.
9 HEARTBREAKING: "How does it feel, Harry, when you see Dean with Ginny?"
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince marks the sixth and penultimate year of school for Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Harry begins his relationship with Ginny, Ron is with Lavender Brown, and Hermione is being relentlessly pursued by Cormac McLaggen.
When Lavender kisses Ron, Hermione rushes out of the common room, crying. Harry follows her. She tells Harry she's seen the way he looks at Ginny, implying it's the same thing she feels when she sees Ron with Lavender. Harry and Hermione share a tender moment of friendship and vulnerability that strengthens their bond in the long-run. Unfortunately, it also creates a rift between Ron and Hermione, when it's so clear that they both care for each other.
8 FUNNY: "You attacked a teacher!"
What makes this line so funny is how out of place it is in the scene. In the Prisoner of Azkaban, the trio have followed Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black's animaguses into the Shrieking Shack, pursued by Lupin, when Snape bursts in. Harry, unsure of who to trust in this tense moment, decides to disarm Snape.
Ever the good student, Hermione is shocked. Completely forgetting the circumstances, she admonishes Harry. Obviously, nobody else listens. This moment reminds viewers of Hermione's somewhat skewed priorities.
7 HEARTBREAKING: "Next time there's a ball, pluck up the courage and ask me before somebody else does, and not as a last resort!"
At the Yule Ball during the Triwizard Tournament, Hermione surprises everyone when she shows up in a beautiful dress, aglow with pleasure. Viktor Krum has asked her to the ball, though Ron believes she's been lying about having been asked at all. Indignant, Hermione corners him at the end of the night and demands him to admit his jealousy.
The two end up arguing, Hermione clearly more distraught than Ron, who only feels attacked. He does get flustered when she tells him that he should've asked her sooner, which suggests he regrets his earlier decisions. It was a missed opportunity that could have seen the pair together much earlier in the series. Instead, Hermione feels rejected by the person she truly wanted to notice her.
6 FUNNY: "You. Complete. Ass, Ronald Weasley! You show up here after weeks, and you say 'Hey'?"
The Weasleys all seem to share a strange sense of humor. When Ron abandons Harry and Hermione on their quest to destroy Voldemort's Horcruxes, Hermione is heartbroken and stricken with worry. When he returns weeks later out of the blue, he's very casual about it, with nothing to say but, 'Hey'.
Understandably, Hermione flares up at him, even hitting him with his own backpack. Normally composed and articulate, Hermione is reduced to anger and irritation upon Ron's return. While Ron is missing, Hermione only feels sadness and regret, but she won't let him see that. The moment is almost out of character, but even Harry enjoys seeing Ron at the mercy of Hermione's wrath.
5 HEARTBREAKING: "... [Cho]'s feeling sad about Cedric and therefore confused about liking Harry and guilty about kissing him, conflicted because Umbridge is threatening to sack her mum at the Ministry and frightened of failing her O.W.L.s because she’s so busy about worrying about everything else."
Cho Chang faces many struggles in the fourth and fifth Harry Potter installments. After losing Cedric Diggory, falling for Harry, and everything else Hermione mentions, she's certainly got a lot on her plate.
High school is tumultuous enough as it is but add to that Cho's problems ... Hermione is right to recognize her struggles. In her five years at Hogwarts, Hermione has gained emotional maturity and is able to empathize with others. She doesn't know Cho very well, but she's able to see her more clearly than even Harry does. Unfortunately, Ron and Harry don't quite understand what she's talking about when she delivers this line.
4 FUNNY: "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon..."
Hermione's sad revelation about Cho is followed by Ron's confusion, and this jab of Hermione's fired right back at him. The three friends dissolve into laughter.
Even when discussing heavy matters, it's nice to be reminded that Harry, Ron, and Hermione are just teenagers. Hermione and Ron have been teasing each other since their first meeting, and Harry isn't of much help to either of them. Usually, they're able to set aside their disagreements for Harry's sake, but that doesn't mean they can't get a laugh out of it every once in a while.
3 HEARTBREAKING: "He called me a Mudblood ... a really foul name for someone who is Muggle-born, someone with non-magic parents … someone like me."
In Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry learns to speak to snakes, Ginny becomes Tom Riddle's puppet, and the Basilisk petrifies a bunch of people (... and Mrs. Norris). Harry briefly suspects that Draco Malfoy, the proud pureblood wizard that he is, is responsible for what the Pure-bloods believe is the cleansing of Hogwarts.
When the Gryffindor Quidditch team goes out for practice, they run into the Slytherin team, whose new Seeker is none other than Malfoy. They claim to have booked the pitch for training at the same time that the Gryffindors have. Hermione defends the Gryffindors, to which Malfoy replies, "No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood." Hermione is deeply upset by this suggestion that she doesn't belong in the magical world as some of her classmates do. Nobody should be made to feel bad about their identity.
2 FUNNY: "Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed ... or worse, expelled!"
This has to be one of Hermione's most iconic lines. After the golden trio discover that the thirteenth floor is inhabited by Hagrid's three-headed dog, Fluffy, they return to the Gryffindor common room in a bit of a huff. Hermione is quick to point out that Fluffy is guarding something, which we later learn is the Philosopher's Stone.
When Hermione tells the boys that she's going to bed, she emphasizes her fear of getting expelled a lot more than her fear of being killed. Incredulous, Ron waits until she's gone before saying, "She needs to sort out her priorities."
1 HEARTBREAKING: "Obliviate."
At the beginning of The Deathly Hallows, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are planning their quest to destroy Voldemort's Horcruxes, which means leaving their old lives behind. Hermione is left with little choice but to erase her Muggle parents' memories of her. Though Hermione can perfectly execute any spell, she's a little shaky as she wipes their memories, watching her face fade from the pictures around the house.
Not long afterward, she's forced to wipe the memory of a Death Eater. Despite his undoubtedly evil history, Hermione feels guilty and even sheds a tear. Later, when it's her turn to choose the next destination in the trio's journey, she Apparates to places where her parents took her when she was younger. Clearly, she misses them greatly and feeling horrible about what she's done.
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