If there's one thing we know about RuPaul Charles, besides the fact that he's the most fabulous drag queen ever and has his own drag reality show, it's that he's a pretty funny guy. We get to experience this more than ever in his new Netflix drama series AJ and the Queen that premiered this past January.
The show is created by, produced by, and even stars RuPaul himself, where he plays a man named Robert who doubles as a drag queen called Ruby Red. We get to see him take on a new challenge in his life when he heads out on a cross country drag show tour with an unlikely partner in crime, and it has us laughing the whole time. Here are 10 of the funniest quotes from Robert in season one:
10 "Seven Months Along, and I'm Not Even Showing."
Things have been going great for Robert and his boyfriend Hector. They have a routine of going to the same Asian restaurant every night, sitting in the same booth, and ordering the same meal, a duck split in two, no skin on Robert's half. When the two hear that their waiter forgot his anniversary with his lady, Hector and Robert are sympathetic. Hector comments that "love needs some love," and mentions that he and Robert have been going out for seven months. Robert makes a pregnancy joke and laughs. Too bad they don't make it full term!
9 "I Could Never Start All Over Again Without the Help of One Very Special Person in My Life. Oprah."
After Hector turns out to be a grifter scam artist named Damien who steals all of Robert's money, Robert is feeling down and dejected. He just wants to give up, but his best friend and roommate Louis is there to build him back up. He says, "You've come too far to let some deadbeat devil stop your flow."
Robert smiles at Louis' kind pep talk and accepts that he has to start building his life over from scratch. While Louis thinks that he's the one to help Robert do so, we learn that it's actually someone else. Robert decides that he's going to bring his tapes of Oprah's show with him on his trip to get re-inspired about his life. Poor underappreciated Louis!
8 "I'm a Drag Queen on a Cross Country Tour, so Unless You're a Pair of Fake Boobs or a Roll of Duct Tape, You Really Don't Belong in the Back of My RV."
Not too long after Robert embarks on his journey to the first stop on his tour, he discovers a stowaway in his camper, a ten-year-old girl named AJ who tried to steal his money the night before. She heard that he is going to Texas, the last stop on his trip, and she desperately wants to go with him. Her mom has a drug problem, and AJ ran away from foster care. She would rather go live with her grandfather, who happens to live in Texas. She does what she can to convince Robert to let her tag along, but he makes a good point. What would a little girl do on a drag tour anyway?
7 "There are Two Things that are Going to Get You Put Right Out on the Side of the Road: Stealing Anymore of My [Stuff], and Saying Anything Bad About Oprah."
Somewhat reluctantly, Robert lets AJ join him, at least until his next stop where he can figure out what to do about the girl next. Off they go, with AJ in the passenger seat trying to sleep and Oprah playing on a TV in the back. AJ wakes up after a quick rest, and Robert asks her how her nap was. Her response is less than pleasant: "How could anyone sleep with Oatmeal talking that BS the whole way?" Robert is not happy to hear this, and he defends his "lifeline" pretty quickly, saying that she's the only way he is able to come back from his terrible situation. AJ will just have to deal!
6 "I'm Too Damaged to See More Damage."
AJ and Robert stop at a diner, and it just so happens that Damien is there. AJ stabs Damien's tires to cause them to go flat, and then she and Robert are ready to book it out of there before Damien comes out and realizes that they are there.
Unfortunately, a woman was texting a grumpy cat meme to her pet psychic and backed her car into the RV. She is apologizing profusely, but AJ and Robert are still in a rush to leave. The woman asks if they are going to get out to look at the damage, but Robert decides against it, and for good reason!
5 "[Maps] are for People Who Still Want to Use Their Brains to Get Somewhere, and Also so Hipsters Can Have Wall Art."
Realizing that Damien and his accomplice Lady Danger now know where Robert is, Robert knows that he will most likely be followed. He decides that the best thing to do is find a bunch of back roads to take to his next stop, something that AJ's phone GPS won't help with. While unfolding the ever-growing and seemingly infinite map, AJ comments that she didn't even know they still made them. Robert responds, educating AJ about their usage and teaching her about hipster interior decorating all at the same time.
4 "All I Said Was, 'Does Your Club Still Smell Like Backwater Swamp Air?' and Based on Their Overreaction, I'm Betting it Does."
Robert's tour has been going well so far. He's been to Pittsburgh, Columbus, Louisville, MT. Juliette, and now Little Rock, all with AJ by his side. They pull into an RV park to get some rest for a few days and regroup. Robert comments that the timing is great because he happens to have a break in his tour schedule. AJ points out that it was because the club he was supposed to go to canceled due to Robert's bad attitude on the phone. Robert didn't seem to see anything wrong with his question. A girl's got to have her standards.
3 "I Haven't Allowed Myself Mac and Cheese Since the 90s, so That'll Tell You a Lot About My Emotional State."
That evil Lady Danger manages to sneak into the RV park and hide a rattlesnake in one of the compartments of Robert's RV! The snake later launches itself right at Robert and thankfully gets its fangs caught in Robert's robe instead of his skin.
A nice man named Karl helps him get the snake off, and then Karl's husband, whose name is also Carl, offers Robert some homemade macaroni and cheese casserole with French cheese. Robert says that it's delicious. Hopefully he lets himself eat it more often after this!
2 "AJ, No One Ever Misses a Ukulele."
On their stop in Jackson, AJ meets a homeless couple with a puppy, whom she falls in love with immediately. Robert buys the puppy, and AJ soon discovers the joys of parenthood, including getting a baby through their first night. The puppy barely sleeps, instead crying for hours in the RV. The crying doesn't stop the next day, and AJ can't figure out why. Remembering that the original owner plays the ukulele, AJ wonders if the puppy misses the music. Robert convinces her that this is probably not the case, while blithely insulting ukulele players everywhere.
1 "I Keep Forgetting I'm Bob."
While in Fort Worth, Robert decides to pop in on an old friend to catch up with her. He is thrilled to see Beth, and she is delighted to introduce Robert to her husband Chad. Chad, for some reason, keeps calling Robert 'Bob' instead of his preferred name. Robert doesn't answer at first, confused as to who Chad is talking to. Chad apologizes. "Sorry. Robert. It's like Tommy (their party planner) always says: 'Chad, you are just too damn straight.'" Robert laughs it off politely, but we just don't see him as a Bob!
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